Ho ho......Big Earl?

Ah the Christmas season. The presents, the merriment, the building of a spaceship to get back home. Now you may say "hey man...Christmas doesn't include a spaceship!". If you know what I'm refferring to then you can laughingly agree with me. For those of you completely in the dark, I'm talking about the classic game 'Toejam and Earl' from the ye olde days of Sega Genesis. This gem was released back in 1991 and instantly became a game that carved out it's own place in my heart. In this game you play as Toejam and/or Earl, who have crash landed on earth and are trying to get back home to planet Funkotron. In order to do that you need to wander around earth and reassemble the broken parts of your ship which are scattered across the terrain of certain levels. The levels are set up in a ladder style system but there is a small catch, you can both ascend and descend the levels at will. In order to progress you need to find the elevator hidden on each level, but to go back down you simply fall off the edge and hope you land on something solid. Now for the part you started reading this for. As you traverse these crazy levels you will not be without help in some way. PRESENTS! Yes, I said presents. These presents will contain various bits and tools to help you on your journey home. There is just one tiny catch, you have to open them to know what they are. Now you may say "Duh!" at that notion, but once you open them you will always know what they are...until you open one in particular called the randomizer. Just as the name states, it takes all the presents and mixes up the contents again so you have to guess. But wait! There is another way! You can take your questionable box to the carrot man and have him identify it for you. It costs money, but in the long run you end up possibly finding the randomizer before you use it. The presents contain some amazing object, and some terrible ones. First up, the amazing ones.

Amazing presents:
Icarus wings - flight for a brief time
Inner tube - swim in water without drowning
Boombox - temporary hypnosis of enemies into dancing

Not so amazing:
Bummer - lose a life
Book - puts you to sleep leaving you vulnerable to attacks
Root beer- while gaining some health, it leaves you burping and wakes up sleeping enemies

Of course there are more, but I'm not going to give them all away. On top of getting presents, you get to sneak up on Santa to get him to drop extra presents. The presents that you get also can help you defeat the wild enemies that you come across in these levels. The enemies are as hilarious as they are menacing in this game. You get crazy characters that pop up like a cupid that hits you with an arrow that changes your D-pad directions. Or maybe you run across a nerd herd that will run you flat and leave you open to a prod from an insane, laughing dentist. From hula girls to hamsters in a ball, the foe roster is nothing short of a belly laugh. Dodging enemies, collecting your ship parts, and gathering money amount to a little bit more than just a way to beat the game. They also help you gain ranks in the game. You start as a 'Weiner' and then move up in rank, passing titles like 'Dufus' and 'Poindexter' along the way 'Funkmaster'. The increase in rank yields a longer health bar and the occasional extra life. There are many little ticks in this game that have made it a cult classic amoung people who owned a Genesis. If you haven't given this game it's fair due, then go and find it. It's now on the Wii virtual console and I'm sure you can pick it up at your local record store that buys back video games. This one has, and will always, hold a special place for me in history.